“The being one of those gifted individuals who possess the second sight, or faculty of peeping into futurity, would, I am sure, constitute a sufficient introduction to your columns; but the marvellous manner in which I have recently had my prognosis confirmed, furnishes a still more irresistible claim to your attention.
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“Walking on the 30th of February, sir, upon the seaside, I beheld at about the distance of three furlongs, upon a small tabular-shaped rock which just emerged from the bosom of the heaving wave, one of those extraordinary creatures, the existence of which has been almost as much doubted by sceptics as the existence of the second sight itself, I mean a Mermaid, if I may so call that which appeared to be a Mother,* for she was suckling a little innocent with a tail like a gold fish, and not longer than eighteen or twenty inches. Both mother and child were surpassingly beautiful. The former had a fine oval countenance, and not the less lovely from being inclined to green, like some of Sir Joshua Reynolds’s pictures, in which the colours are most evanescent. Her hair was purplish, as you may have seen the carrot-locks of mortals who had in vain attempted to die them black, and so long that it floated on the water like a sea-weed. The bust was the finest I ever gazed upon; and though I cannot so much approve of her extremities, it is but justice to acknowledge that the whole of the fish department was radiant as a dolphin playing in the sunbeams, elastic as the flying-fish, and shapely as the salmon. Earnestly engaged in her maternal office, the oceanic lady did not heed my approach, and when she began to sing her offspring to sleep—ye gods! it was the music of the spheres or fabled cadences of the expiring swan. Never was mortal man so raptured as I was. I stood transfixed in a trance of delirium, chained, like another Prometheus, to the rock nearest that of the enchanting Mermaid. In this posture it seems I first caught her eye, and whether it was that, being susceptible of flattery as earthly females are said to be, or influenced by any other consideration I know
* “In terrene affairs this species of misnomer is not uncommon.” |
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“It were needless, sir, to occupy you with the entire conversation that ensued. Suffice it to say, that a perfectly good understanding arose between the prophetess of the sea and the seer of the earth. The Mer-child was gracefully laid to slumber upon the fin of its accomplished parent while she unfolded to me the drama of the future.
“It may be proper to explain to you that my sight is limited to somewhere about seven hundred and
thirty days, beyond which my perceptions of futurity are dim and uncertain. But
my fair companion darted her easy glance into years, it may be into ages, far
removed. Curiosity is most excited by proximate objects. I cared little for
1920, but 1820 arrived just at the end of my own vista, and I regarded with
peculiar attention the exposition of that year as successive seasons were
unfolded to me in the glass of my wonderful acquaintance. This glass, by the
way—and I am happy to set at rest so important a point in natural history—is a
perfect sphere, and not an oval piano, as hitherto represented by the
pretenders to Mermaidal intercourse. Upon its transparent face the lines of
January, 1821, were just opening upon my eye, when the report of a duck-gun
startled my ear. In an instant my instructress vanished beneath the billow, and
what became of her glass I know not, though from the unwelcome entrance of
about an ounce of shot (No. 1, Mr. Editor!) into my body, I am inclined to
suspect that she also got a few drops too much, and that her glass was
shivered. For some moments I was not aware of being wounded; but when the
sportsmen started from behind a precipice where they had couched for the
benefit of a surer aim, I perceived the whole nature and
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“But no more of this. I hasten to lay before you as much of the history of the year Eighteen Hundred and Twenty as I can recollect; many important matters having I fear, slipped my memory during the three months I have been smarting under the hands of the surgeon, and those benevolent friends who have from time to time had the kindness to devote an hour to the amusement of picking the shots out of the carcase of your unfortunate humble servant,
* “The King’s palace looked quite bare and unfurnished; there had been a clamour against the expense of chairs and tables for it, and the Sovereign had reduced his establishment to Spartan plainness. I naturally took a peep to observe how wretched the prisons must now be; but judge my surprise on finding every gaol glittering with mirrors, rich with Turkey carpets and sofas, and some of them even adorned with noble corridors and the most transcendent paintings, with lawns for exercise, theatres for concerts and private performances, and all that taste could devise for the gratification of luxury. On inquiry, I found
* “Our correspondent’s letter here assumes the form of loose notes, apparently the result of his examination of the glass, and the explanations of its proprietor.” |
| POETS; POETRY—AUTHORS; ARTISTS—A PATRON. | 247 |
“I turned to examine the church. Astonishing! Each venerable pile was surrounded by a number of appendage buildings, like a hen and chicken daisy; these were chapels of ease which had been added at the suggestion of the Chancellor of the Exchequer in 1817. St. Paul’s cut a most extraordinary figure with its adjuncts, which reached all over what was once Paternoster Row, and Satan was now defied where Printers’ Devils had reigned so long. The interior of the National Church was however even more transformed than the exterior. The light of reason had at last succeeded in attaining perfect toleration. The Archbishop of Canterbury was a very zealous Roman Catholic; the Chancellor of the Exchequer a worthy Jew, with a fine beard, and a great financier; the first Lord of the Admiralty an Anabaptist, who baptised the crew of his fleets over the ship’s sides; the first Lord of the Bedchamber a strict Methodist; the Lord Chancellor a Southcotian, with the guardianship of many Shilohs; and the Commander-in-Chief a Quaker!
“A grand reform had taken place in Parliament. There was a general election every month. Men had two votes, children one, and women three. Nine-tenths of the members were consequently females, a few males standing for the boroughs. The Speaker this month (April) was Mrs. Mary Anne Clarke, whose intrigues had elevated her to that high situation.
“There was a levee. I took a peep. The chief
presentations consisted of missionaries returned from prose-
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“At the Cabinet Council after the ceremony, dispatches from Tombuctoo were laid before his Majesty. A storm had wrecked several vessels in the Niger between Wangara and Bergou, and a gang of carpenters were ordered to be dispatched to assist the King of Tuarick in repairing them. There was also indifferent intelligence from Nubia and Darfur. The canal for carrying the Nile out of its course so as to avoid the cataracts, had however been completed under the inspection of that able engineer, Mr. ——.
“The provincial halls for the meetings of political delegates were just roofed in; a letter from America offered to bet 100 dollars that the writer would return to England by next fall,
“The exhibition of the Royal Academy was open, and consisted entirely of portraits, an essay from the pen of the learned Sir Sycophant Flatter, Knt., having proved to the conviction of the nation that portraiture was the truest, highest, nicest, and most interesting branch of the art. The sculpture-room was full of busts—that of architecture, with plans of prisons and elevations of monuments to living merit.
“Drury-Lane Theatre, after being shut two seasons, was
opened for three sermons to be preached by Mr.
Chalmers. Boxes, pit, and galleries, a bumper. At Covent Garden
there was a piece performed by dogs and monkeys; it was bespoke by
Prince George Augustus Coburg, now nearly three years
old, who was rapturously
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“An advertisement announces that Professor Davy has nearly perfected his recent invention of the ‘Salamander Great Coat, which enables the wearer to walk at his ease through the flames of burning houses.’ The happiest results are expected from this discovery. The same paper notices that the steam apparatus for working questions in fluxions and algebra, has already sold nineteen thousand; the steam wings are ready for the new expedition, and General —— has almost recovered from the bursting of his boiler.
“Bridges with the arches inverted are not so universal as they would be, as tunnels seem to meet with greater encouragement. That from Dover to Calais is not expected to be complete for some time.
“The greatest improvement in politics seems to be the system of legislating entirely through the medium of newspapers. Oratory has certainly declined in consequence of this alteration; but then printing has greatly improved, and the steam compositors and editors may be reckoned the perfection of human ingenuity.
“Dancing on all fours is now the only fashionable style. The missionaries’ ladies who introduced it still surpass native artists; but some of our belles go near to rival them, not only in the camel, buffalo, and beaver steps, but even in the tiger spring, squirrel frisk, and ape gambol. What will not British talent accomplish!
“Examinations for public employments of every kind, as
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“In consequence of the universal use of iron paving, the city of Edinburgh has been ruined; and the port of Leith, which was wont to carry on so brisk a trade in the staple commodity furnished by Salisbury Crags and Arthur’s Seat paving stones, is now a desert.
“The Grand Seignior, the Emperor of Pernambuco, and
* * * * *
oh! * *
