Your letter &c has arrived safely my dearest A & a million of thanks for yr kindness—Decision was never my forte in any circumstances—& God knows in such as ye present, ye difficulty I feel & shall feel—yet—one ought to act (as far as one can) right & leave the issue to Providence.—
I will tell you what now passes in my mind. As to the gentler expedient you propose, I certainly lean to it—as the least offensive—but—supposing he suspects the motive & is piqued to answer, “I wrote you such a letter of such a date? Did you receive it?” What then is to be done—I could not reply falsely—& might not that line of conduct acknowledged—irritate? This consideration wd lead me perhaps—preferably—to adopt the other—as most open & honest—(certainly to any other Character but his—) but, query whether it might not be most judicious as to its effects—and at the same time acknowledging that his Victim was wholly in his power, as to temporal good & leaving it to his generosity whether to use that power—if not dead to every Spark of good feeling—or not partially insane—I think—I cannot but think—it might be best—but to determine those questions is difficult—in either case to be acting right would be one’s consolation.
There seem so many reasons why he should for his own sake abstain for the present from gratifying his revenge that one can scarcely think he would do so—unless insane—it wd surely be ruin to all his prospects—& those of a pecuniary nature are not indifferent—if others are become so—
if really & truly he feels or fancies he feels—that
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| ASTARTE |
After all my dearest A— if you cannot calculate the probable consequences, how should I presume to do so! To be sure the gentler expedient, might be ye safest—with so violent & irritable a disposition & at least for a time act as a palliative—& who knows what changes a little time might produce or how Providence might graciously interpose—with so many reasons to wish to avoid extremities (I mean for ye sake of others) one leans to what appears the safest & one is a Coward—
But the other at the same time has something gratifying to one’s feelings—& I think might be said & done—so that, if he showed ye letters, it would be no evidence against the Person—& worded with that kindness, & appearance of real affecte concern for him as well as the other person concerned that it might possibly touch him. Pray—think of what I have thought & write me a line not to decide for that I cannot expect, but to tell me if I deceived myself in the ideas I have expressed to you—I shall not cannot answer till ye latest post day this week—
