“I write to you, my dear George, lest my silence should make you uneasy, yet what have I to say that will not have the same effect? Things do not go well with me, and my spirits seem for ever flown. I was a month on my passage, and the weather was so tempestuous, we were several times in imminent danger. I did not expect ever to have reached land. If it had pleased Heaven to have called me hence, what a world of care I should have missed. I have lost all relish for pleasure, and life seems a burden almost too heavy to be endured. My head is stupid, and my heart sick and exhausted. But why should I worry you? and yet, if I do not tell you my vexations, what can I write about?
“Your father and mother are tolerably well, and
enquire most affectionately concerning you. They do not suspect that you have
left Lisbon, and I do not intend informing them of it till you are provided
for. I am very unhappy on their account, for though I am determined they shall
share my last shilling, yet I have every reason to apprehend extreme distress,
and of course they must be involved in it. The school dwindles to nothing,
| 180 | WILLIAM GODWIN |
“Well, I am too impatient. The will of Heaven be done! I will labour to be resigned. ‘The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.’ I scarce know what I write, yet my writing at all when my mind is so disturbed is a proof to you that I can never be lost so entirely in misery as to forget those I love. I long to hear that you are settled. It is the only quarter from which I can reasonably expect any pleasure. I have received a very short, unsatisfactory letter from Lisbon. It was written to apologize for not sending the money to your father which he promised. It would have been particularly acceptable to them at this time, but he is prudent, and will not run any hazard to serve a friend. Indeed, delicacy made me conceal from him my dismal situation, but he must know how much I am embarrassed. . . .
“I am very low-spirited, and of course my letter is very dull. I will not lengthen it out in the same strain, but conclude with what alone will be acceptable, an assurance of love and regard.
“Believe me to be ever your sincere and affectionate friend,
