In Whig Society 1775-1818
Lady Caroline Lamb to Lady Melbourne, [15 October 1812]
My dearest Lady Melbourne,
Once more I assure you upon my honour, I never opened or
intentionally read any letter of yours. I found a part of one on the
floor—it was in a hand I used to receive to myself—I made no secret
of it, I have committed no wrong. Hitherto I have
behaved with perfect honour, deceived by every human being I never have
returned in kind their ill-treatment—but as you say it is not for me to
complain, & you shall none of you ever more tax me with too much openness.
I have borne a great deal, & will bear no more—that which is not
spoken is more to be dreaded than that which is seen. I shall write no more,
only entreating you not to write unkindly to my Mother, who says, instead of
delightful letters ![]()
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from you, she receives at present
nothing but a few short guarded lines—& why? Upon my soul she is
innocent, & ignorant of everything of this—she never names one I do
not ever speak of & as to my having accused him I hope I did not. If I said
he was unkind to me because I wishd to behave well—I did him great wrong.
I beg his, I beg your pardon. I scarcely know what I wrote. Do not tell him I
said this. I conclude I have deserved the treatment I have met with, & I
will bear it without complaint, but it was so unexpected & it is [sic] wounds me so deeply that you must not think I can
write to you or any one again. Lady
Melbourne I here do solemnly swear to you—by all that you
may hold most sacred if it were not for my mother & the kindness I have
received from you all, from this day forth you should never see me again. Oh
that I had not been weak enough to return when Lord
Byron brought me back, that I had never returned—but come
it late, it will come at last—& such an exit I will make from this
scene of Deceit & unkindness that it shall expiate even my atrocious
conduct as you call [? it and] the canting sorrow of which you accuse me.
Lord Byron has now seald my destruction, and it shall
follow—mark these words—& when it comes remember it was not the
mere impotence of frantic grief, but the secret firm resolution of a heart
bitterly & deeply injured. I never more will write to you—&
thanks for the letters I have received. I shall not reproach you for
them—I deserve unkindness from you. I never have, I hope I never have,
accused Lord Byron—he or you best know why he
behaves ill to the Woman he so lately professed to love. He is changed perhaps,
is ![]()
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that a reason? No, we are not master of our affections;
his love for another is no crime but I neither expected nor can bear insult,
hatred, suspicion & contempt. I will not bear it; he may love who he
pleases I shall never reproach him—but he should not treat me with
cruelty & contempt.
Postmark: “Oc. 15—12.
Ck on
Suir” [Carrick-on-Suir, Tipperary],
Elizabeth Lamb, viscountess Melbourne [née Milbanke] (1751-1818)
Whig hostess married to Peniston Lamb, first Viscount Melbourne (1744-1828); she was the
confidant of Georgiana, duchess of Devonshire, the mother of William Lamb (1779-1848), and
mother-in-law of Lady Caroline Lamb.
